DARVO

What it means

DARVO is an acronym coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd to describe a pattern of behaviour commonly exhibited by people confronted with their own wrongdoing. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender - and once you learn to recognise it, you’ll see it everywhere.

The sequence typically unfolds like this. First, the person denies the behaviour outright: “That never happened” or “That’s not what I did.” Second, they attack the person raising the issue: “You’re lying,” “You’re trying to destroy me,” “You have your own agenda.” Third, they reverse the roles - positioning themselves as the true victim and the accuser as the aggressor: “I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” “Do you know how much this accusation is hurting me?”

By the end of the sequence, the original issue has vanished entirely. The conversation is no longer about what the person did. It’s about the pain the accusation has caused them. The accuser is now defending themselves instead of pressing their point. The reversal is complete.

In the real world

DARVO is a well-documented pattern in cases of abuse - domestic, institutional, and sexual. When allegations surface, the accused often follows the script almost precisely. Deny the allegations, attack the credibility of the accuser (their character, their motives, their mental health), and then present themselves as the real victim of a malicious accusation. Research by Freyd and others has shown that DARVO responses are disturbingly effective at reducing sympathy for the actual victim.

In public life, DARVO plays out on a grand scale. A politician caught in a scandal denies it, attacks the media for running the story (“this is a witch hunt”), and positions themselves as the victim of unfair persecution. The scandal itself fades as the story becomes about the politician’s suffering.

In everyday relationships, DARVO can be almost invisible in the moment. You raise a concern with a friend or partner. They deny any wrongdoing, accuse you of being oversensitive or looking for problems, and then express hurt that you would think so badly of them. You end the conversation comforting them - having never resolved the original issue. If this pattern repeats, it becomes almost impossible to raise concerns at all.